I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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