just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
