my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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