Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
