I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
