oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize