Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
