Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
