I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Randomize
