i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
