1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Randomize
