I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
