I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
