you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize