dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I want a musical about memes.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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