You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
