This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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