Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize