I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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