Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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