Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
