I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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