yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
