Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
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