Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize