That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
