i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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