tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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