I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
