every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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