last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
