I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
