she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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