I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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