I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
there's paper in my vomit.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
4 words: hood of his car
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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