ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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