How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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