i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
