so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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