he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
