brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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