i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
