I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
