69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
