So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
