Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
