She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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