Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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