im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
