I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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