Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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