The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
