one two three fourrrrnication!
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
