Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
