Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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