I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
