it hurts more in the daytime
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
