i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
