I should be sponsored by Trojan
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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