I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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