We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
