i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
