So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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