i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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