I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
they're like a gay fantastic four
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
