Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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