You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
