That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
