haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
