the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize
