So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
