idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
