If that was your dad, he is hot
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
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