I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
