Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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