My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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