We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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