Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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