"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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