im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
