Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
i now understand why vodka
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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