I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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