In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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