I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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