It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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