i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
