the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
