I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
